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This month on the family farm: 'Hay making season means solo parenting'

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This month on the family farm: 'Hay making season means solo parenting'

Lowlands farm, in southwest Birmingham, is home to Beth Withers and her husband, Tom. Here, she talks about bringing up her growing family at Lowlands, and the balance between motherhood and farming.

‘Make hay whilst the sun shines' - that is the famous phrase.

I used to just think it meant that farmers were busy out in the fields, but now we are a farming family it has a whole other meaning.

The sun has been shining, meaning silage and hay making season has kicked off this month. But before I entered the farming world, I had no idea as to what the difference between hay and straw is. Now it seems like a really silly thing, but if you are not from the industry and do not follow the processes, it is something that you do not necessarily need to think about.

When we first met, ‘make hay whilst the sun shines' meant lots of lovely evenings spent together in the tractor, chatting and watching the sun set. It was rather idyllic in fact.

Now we have two young boys it means solo parenting. The silage and hay are an essential requirement on the farm, and it is weather critical. Whilst most families head out on day trips to the seaside or outings to the park, we head to the field. 

It is important that we get to spend time as a family, so there are lots of picnics where the boys can watch the tractors at work and my husband can have a 20-minute break to scoff a sandwich or two with us.

The boys love the open space to run around and the countryside is the perfect place for their imagination to run wild. There is always a frog to be found or a stick that, of course, has to be used to poke everything in sight. If all else fails, the bales themselves offer the perfect game of hide and seek - and that equals two tired toddlers.

Meals on wheels has been in full swing. I do pick up the occasional cone of chips but I like to keep home cooked meals on the menu. I adapt my cooking to outdoor eating, so anything from a one pot curry that we can all grab a spoon and dig in, to simple fish finger butties often works well.

But the nights are the hardest adjustment.  We normally work well together as a team, so I find the bath and bedtime routine on my own every night can become laborious. At first, the reward is great - full control of the TV and a long bath with no interruptions.  After a few days the novelty wears off, and once silence fills the house the reality is a long, lonely evening waiting for a rather tired other half to return. By then he is ready for a shower and bed, or I am already asleep.

I think this year has been harder than most. I have been pregnant at this time of year before but with one toddler. Now I am heavily pregnant with two toddlers I tend to be crashed out on the sofa by the time he returns - he is gone before the children rise and back when everyone is asleep meaning solo parenting can stretch on for weeks at a time.

I love our boys and relish in the upbringing they are getting, but I would be lying if I said I do not miss those nights spent together just watching the sunset and spotting the wildlife.

It puts a strain on the relationship and can be mentally challenging for both parties spending so much time apart, so it is all about making the most of the moments we do have together as a family.

As always in England, after the sunshine comes the rain. The heat wave gave us the chance to get all of our silage complete and 90 per cent of the hay made. Although I know my husband would prefer to carry on and get straight to the combining and straw, I see the rain as a welcome break.  It has given us a couple of weeks to get a bit of respite and we made the conscious effort not to fill our weekends with jobs.

With the silage stacked, bales stored safely in the shed, and jobs put aside for a few days we have had some lovely trips out as a family. Being young, the children do not really understand why daddy is not around and you can tell they miss that interaction. In my view re-connecting and making memories together has to be prioritised to keep a healthy happy family. 

With phase one complete, we now prepare for the next bout of sunshine as we move into the crop harvest. The farming calendar means there is always something going on and there is never a convenient time to be pregnant - fingers crossed we can get everything harvested before baby number three makes an appearance.

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